PERSPECTIVE
Welcome to the current newsletter issue of
Advances in Medicine (AIM) - Take AIM against pain,
brought to you by Dr. Tim Sams and MyPainReliefDoc.com.
www.mypainreliefdoc.com.
Feel free to send me an e-mail with your own thoughts
and experiences. Email: timsams@mypainreliefdoc.com.
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PERSPECTIVE
Real world events have me thinking about death a lot more
lately, which means I’m thinking about my life a lot more
lately. Really thinking about it, not with the fearless
sixty-years-down-the-road, “I’m still getting better
view;” but, as a tangible, and palpable event that’s gonna
happen to my aging body—way before I’m ready. I’m a
middle-aged man only if I live to be 100.
In so doing, I am stunned anew by how differently I can think
about my life and my daily hassles each successive day. Some
days I feel a sense of existential despair lurking around the
corner as my future careers as a musician, ballplayer,
politician, or world-famous anything hurl themselves into
reality’s wastebasket. I’m aware of feeling tired earlier
during the day, with second winds few and far between. Other
days, I look around and feel blessed with all the bounty that
life has brought me.
Sometimes the difference seems to be determined by the events of
the day. Major negative or positive events may shape my mood and
sense of myself. Even relatively minor negative events, e.g.,
stress, hassles, finances, relational conflicts, health
stuff—you name it, can create a downward spiral of moodiness
that gets worse as the day or week progresses. On the other
hand, even pretty minor positive events or little victories can
leave me feeling good. I get it that sometimes the difference in
events between Wednesday and Thursday doesn’t explain the
difference in my mood. So what’s going on here? Perspective.
It’s almost impossible to evaluate yourself, and to assess
your basic identity, without comparing yourself to something.
You can compare yourself to other people, your ideal self, who
you think god wants you to be, your former self, etc. Some
elements of identity are based on individuation—seeing
yourself as apart from, or unique from, other people. This
requires comparing yourself to others in a positive way. Some
elements of identity, mood, and self-esteem are driven by a
sense of belongingness—of being part of a greater whole. Some
elements are determined by a modestly objective assessment of
strengths and weaknesses, good times and bad times.
I am fully capable of obsessing about all the wonderful aspects
of the glory of me—usually in the den, by myself, and with the
lights down low. I’m even better at obsessing about all the
aspects of my life history and myself that are painful,
shameful, or which otherwise make me feel bad about myself. This
latter negative obsessing is even easier when you have chronic
pain, and the entire world seems young, healthy, beautiful,
skinny, rich, and happy.
Without even realizing it, sometimes I choose to be miserable; I
choose to focus on the negative aspects of my life. I choose to
be unhappy by thinking unhappy thoughts, often triggered by real
world events that I don’t let go of but cleave to like a baby
to a breast. I’ve been a cognitive behavioral therapist for a
quarter century, and yet I still find myself dissolving into
stinkin’ thinking’—most often when I’m hungry, tired, or
not getting my way.
People in pain are almost naturally driven to compare their
current selves to their former selves. Unfortunately, they
almost inevitably romanticize their former selves and former
lives. If you view yourself mainly from the prism of the
healthiest, you ever were, mentally and physically, you probably
can’t feel good about yourself—no matter how hard you
struggle, or how many challenges you overcome. You’re always
left with, “But it’s not as good as it was in the past.”
I saw my dad recently for the first time in a year. He had some
trouble walking, was slightly stooped, and in obvious
discomfort. When I queried him about the treatments he was
receiving, he grunted and basically said, “I’m getting old.
Pain’s part of the deal.” He hadn’t even thought about
getting treatment for pain that he perceived as normal or
inevitable. Perspective.
Today, I choose not be have my sense of self being controlled by
comparing myself to my former self, or to the healthiest,
richest, best looking, youngest, happiest people I can find in
People magazine or my neighbors. I know that if you compare the
inside of you to the best-ever you, or the outside mask of
someone else, you’re gonna lose every time. Perspective is
about appreciating that you are doing the best you can with what
you have. It’s about creating a simple piece of art that made a
difference to a few other people—not the Sistine Chapel. And,
you can do this even with pain.
Light and Love,
Dr. Tim Sams
My Pain Relief Doc
http://www.mypainreliefdoc.com
Copyright 2007. Dr. Tim Sams and My Pain Relief Doc.
All rights reserved. http://www.mypainreliefdoc.com
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