Welcome to the current newsletter issue of
Advances in Medicine (AIM)- Take AIM against pain.
Feel free to send me an e-mail with your own thoughts
and experiences. Email: timsams@mypainreliefdoc.com.
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I'm a Detroit boy, born and raised on Bob Seger. He came out with
a new album for the first time in forever and has one of those
songs that gives me goose bumps and makes me wonder how he got
into my house without being seen. He has aged and matured in
wisdom. He writes and sings about aging, memories, and what's
really important to him - now. He is one of my generation's
finest poets, along with Melissa Etheridge and Jim Steinman.
Songwriters, screenwriters and other "experts" are always
encouraging you to believe that the secret to happiness, purpose,
and meaning is to focus on what's really important, e.g., your
kids, spouse, wealth, God, saving the planet, etc. They act like
if you're unhappy, it's because you're either trying too hard or
focusing on the wrong things. It seems like everybody who lives
long enough to be truly wise, wants to tell you what's really
important, and what the real purpose in life is.
Here's the real truth. Your life purpose is not static or
forever. It is not something you find one day as you get old.
What can, should, and does make you feel happy and fulfilled
tends to change with each decade of life. Abraham Maslow
(Hierarchy of Needs) and Erik Erickson (Eight Stages of Man)
understood this. In most people's teens and early 20s,
developmentally, their purpose and what makes them happy is to
separate from their parents and carve out a life. In your late
20s and early 30s, purpose is often about finding a mate and
establishing a career, in or out of the home. Late 30s and 40s,
it may be about creating a new nuclear family and raising your
own children. The 50s and 60s is post children, Phase II of life
and leaving a legacy of family and, maybe, career.
Don't let somebody else tell you what your purpose should be; how
you can be happy "if only." Whether parents, ministers, bosses,
or friends, these people usually have an agenda that may not be
solely about what's best for you. If you want to know what your
purpose is, look at what you've done for the past decade.
Ultimately, purpose isn't defined by what you think, but by what
you do. Happiness and purpose are driven by trying to satisfy
unmet needs and achieving unaccomplished goals - of your
choosing.
If you look back at the last ten years and don't like what you
see, that doesn't mean that you didn't and don't have a purpose
or goals. It means that you sure as hell want to change them. One
of the most common comments I hear from people in pain is, "My
life doesn't seem to have purpose anymore; I don't know who I am
now." You can have the same purpose or goals with pain as you did
without pain, or what gives your life meaning can change due to
pain and aging. Pain and the sequella may compel you to regroup
and re-establish a purpose or goal you thought you had already
moved past, like financial security, finding a mate, keeping
busy, physical health, etc. You may need to give yourself
permission to establish a new purpose, new ways of being happy,
and grieve the loss of the old ways.
When time is short, it is natural to want to cherish each moment
and live in the now, especially if your basic needs and goals
have been met. That's not wisdom, that's time of life. In your
youth, you're supposed to take risks, waste time, make mistakes,
howl at the moon, and plan for the future. That's not
foolishness, that's wisdom in its time.
You can carve out life meaning even with pain. You can create joy
and a sense of accomplishment even with pain. Give yourself
permission to be creative, to push out of the envelope of the
familiar. Other people need not take this journey with you.
Family may never understand what you are going through or how you
are changing.
But, if you keep reading books, listening to music, and watching
powerful theater, you will know that there are people who do seem
to understand pain, loss, suffering, poignancy, and love. We can
thank Seger, Etheridge, Steinman, Lake, Streisand, Webber,
Midler, Townsend, Denver, Garth, Stipe, Reba, Lennon and all the
others for passionate celebrations and heart-stopping empathy. I
suppose, part of their purpose was to make life more joyful for
all of us, in laughter and in pain.
As always, your feedback is welcome as are suggestions for future
newsletter topics.
Good light,
Dr. Tim
My Pain Relief Doc
http://www.mypainreliefdoc.com
Copyright 2006. Dr. Tim Sams and My Pain Relief Doc.
All rights reserved. http://www.mypainreliefdoc.com
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You may freely distribute a copy of this newsletter or
use it on your web site or RSS feed, as long as you
include the entire article, along with the web links
and copyright information. Thanks, Dr. Tim
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