Welcome to the current newsletter issue of
Advances in Medicine (AIM) - Take AIM against pain.
Feel free to send me an e-mail with your own thoughts
and experiences. Email: timsams@mypainreliefdoc.com.
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HUNGER
We were talking about Demeter's financial problems. She was
having trouble paying her bills, like so many people with
chronic pain. She was a single woman in her late 50s, working in
a modest-paying clerical position. She was extremely, and
persistently anxious-afraid of everything. She was agitated,
obsessive, depressed, and she compulsively picked at her skin.
During this session, I asked her a little more intensely about
her finances-and then I learned what we were really talking
about.
She received monthly paychecks, had no savings left, and lived
month-to-month. She had an old car that she couldn't afford to
fix, and old clothes she couldn't replace. She worked and then
she went home to her apartment and prepared for the next day's
work-alone, and in physical pain. She had no help available
from family or friends. By the end of each month, she ran out of
money for food-sometimes a day early, sometimes a few days,
sometimes a week-and then she simply went hungry.
Nevertheless, she still had to go to work, function, and
pretend.
If you've never gone hungry because you couldn't afford to
eat, it's hard to understand what it's like-the
overwhelming vulnerability and shame-a sense of being out of
control that is staggering. An empty, painful belly says,
"I've failed and I could die because of it." It's a
feeling of profound shame and a surreal disconnection from the
normal machinations of the pretty world spinning around
you-wanting to scream for help because of the dirty little
secret you can't tell anyone, especially not in Pleasantville,
U.S.A.
But, these may not be the worst aspects of going hungry for
Demeter. I think going hungry wasn't the worst part for her. I
think the worst part was that at the beginning of each month, she
knew she would run out of money, food, and hope. She just
didn't know when. Day after day, she watched, terrified, as
her money and her food supply dwindled and then disappeared. She
faced the demon again, alone. Of course, she was crushingly
anxious and stressed.
She didn't need sympathy, understanding, or the glaze of
feel-good psychotherapy. She needed some problem solving. She
needed to eat every day. She was not making the most of her
meager food budget-shopping many times over the course of a
month, buying a few days' worth of food at a time, often
frozen meals she could heat quickly. So, I drew from lessons
learned in my student days-my own secret hell of running out
money and food and still having to take tests and act normal.
We agreed that the day after payday each month, she would go to
the store (Costco) and buy thirty meals' worth of cheaper
meats, e.g., chicken, hamburger, turkey, or ham. She would put
individual servings in freezer bags for freezer storage. She
would buy a small sack of potatoes and rice-enough for at
least thirty meals. She would buy a couple boxes of oatmeal and
Grape Nuts type cereal-then thirty servings of that dried
Chinese soup you add hot water to. We divided the money she had
left for food into four weeks and each week she would spend her
one-fourth allotment on staples like milk, bread, pasta, or
vegetables; maybe a little ice cream for Friday night.
This way, after payday each week, she would have food in her
fridge, freezer, and pantry for two meals each day for the rest
of the month-no matter what happened. Not fancy and not quick,
but not hungry-and she would know that she had food every day
throughout the month. She was embarrassed that through her
stress, depression, and panic, she hadn't been making the most
of her small food budget. She cried as she left my office and
gave me a big hug. She thanked me and said, "Now today you
gave me something I can really use." I wiped my eyes, and
assured her there would be more practical help like today.
This appointment was a wake-up call for me in several ways. 1)
After twenty-five years as a shrink, sometimes I still don't
listen or question as well as I should. 2) Everyone is unique
and every problem is unique, even if it looks familiar. 3)
People really do want practical strategies for managing life
with pain. 4) We don't have to go halfway around the world to
find people who are hungry, homeless, or need help. They're
right here in our own backyard, trying desperately not to be
seen. Yet, terrified no one will notice.
If you have any ideas about how to stretch your food dollar,
please feel free to e-mail me at timsams@mypainreliefdoc.com.
I'll pass them along.
Good harvest,
Dr. Tim
My Pain Relief Doc
www.mypainreliefdoc.com
Copyright 2007. Dr. Tim Sams and My Pain Relief Doc.
All rights reserved. www.mypainreliefdoc.com
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include the entire article, along with the web links
and copyright information. Thanks, Dr. Tim
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